By The CT’s Resident Psychoanalyst, Dr. Sherwood Knocker
Pebbles the chimpanzee was last night relaxing with friends after being returned safe and well to Potherington Civic Zoo. The 3 year old self-confessed “pleasure seeker” had been missing for a fortnight when Police received an anonymous tip-off that kids’ entertainer and pop-philosopher Descartes (pictured) had taken Pebbles from his “Monkey Palace” home when it was dark. Descartes was tracked to a hideout in Leamington Spa, where he handed the ape over without resistance. “I’m glad he’s back safe”, said Detective Inspector Peter Jam, “there’s always the risk with chimps that they will be mutilated and sold to Heinz as cheap labour”.
Cold Comfort
Descartes, who has encountered difficulty with his latest “Dualism and Bouncy Castle” tour, spent last night behind bars: the Orange Sunset Bar, Brighton, the Café Go-Go Restaurant and Private Members’ Club, Cirencester, and the Rudolph Hess Lounge, Worthing. All three establishments told him to get out and, in some cases, stay out. Meanwhile, Pebbles has been told by doctors he should not read the Daily Mail until December.
Descartes in the Early Days & (inset) Pebbles.
How Descartes Beat the System:
- 21:35: Descartes enters the Zoo claiming he is a passing Frog Trader. A silly Zoo Guard lets him in.
- 21:42: Descartes creeps behind the Zoo Offices using a sapling as camouflage. He needn’t have bothered: the staff are made of paper.
- 21:45: Descartes enters the deserted Nocturnal Gallery. Fearing the “Spooky Noises” section he soon retreats.
- 21:59: Attracted by the “South American Gateway”, Descartes makes his way Southwards. But the exhibit is closed.
- 22:05: Pebbles is kidnapped from the Sea Lions Enclosure, where he is playing dominos. Descartes escapes with the chimp on a nearby heron.
