Brenda’s back from her championship-winning tour of Latvia, and ready to sup greedily from the Westminster nosebag once again – and remember, you heard it here first!
WHAT the hell does this Government thinks it’s playing at?! One minute they’re one hundred and ten per cent opposed to university top-up fees, the next, they can’t wait to start the cash tills buzzing like a half-price day in Pound Stretcher. The whole thing reminds me of a donkey I used to know when I was growing up outside Ottery St. Mary. (And we all know what donkeys are like. Particularly ones from the West Country). Anyway, one minute this fatuous ass was turning his ridiculous nose up at a plate of Farmer Benjamin’s best tinned lobster in scallop and codswallop sauce, the next he couldn’t wait to gobble down as much of the glutinous crap as he could! Contrary old buzzard.
Ironically, Farmer Benjamin had actually put seven ounces of strychnine in it that time, and off went Donald to the knacker’s yard. There’s a moral there somewhere if I could just…nah, s*d it.
SO – are the Tories finally back on track? After years of shifting uncomfortably on their well-paid derrières, it seems as though they’ve finally discovered a common tool with which to bash Blair and his wearisome posse into quivering submission – Top Trumps!
Yes, every PM’s Q’s since Michael Howard took over as the Tories’ jolly bus driver, the Opposition benches have seen more quick-handed shuffling than Clapham Common on a moonless night. Insiders are confident that the card games (which include Marvel Super Heroes, American Ex-Presidents and the NHS) will help the newly resurgent Tories to formulate a winning strategy to snatch election victory from the jaws of Labour. Said Tory MP, Kipper Catbrush (Pillowdale West, and current Super-Tankers champion), ‘We’re getting ready to give those Labour swine a damn good thrashing. They can pick any category, and we’ll beat them. Education, Social Services, Work and Pensions, Transport, Fast Bikes, Fantasy Creatures, Tennis Stars of the 1850s… the list goes on and on. I mean, basically we’re in an unassailable position. Unless of course Tony Blair chooses Motor Caravans or Belgian Hairstyles 1675 – 1809. We’ve been to every WHSmith in Westminster and can’t find them. I bet those bloody Liberals have bought the last two packs.
Rotters’.
SHAME! No, not another politician caught playing Swing Ball in the nude (if it hadn’t been for that speed camera, we’d never have known, Peter), but the latest single from those troublesome Back Bench Boys! Yes, cross-party heartthrobs Jim, Fats, Digger and Mr. P are back with the follow up single to last October’s record-breaking George Michael cover, Wake Me Up Before You Put Me In A Foundation Hospital. The new single is predicted by experts to go straight in at number one, so don’t forget to check out TOTP, BBC One on Friday evening to catch the first ever performance of Tuition My Aaase!!!
Looks like it’ll go down a storm – it’s a pity Robin Cook’s solo career hasn’t taken off in the same way, but I guess the country isn’t quite ready for Jingles the Happy Gnome just yet.
Wally.
That’s all the rats chased out of the milkmaid’s knickers for this week – see ya soon for a load more silage slopping! Or if you can’t keep away for more than a minute, I’ll be at the Conservative Party Gymkhana on Parliament Square, Saturday afternoon – I’ll be the one leaving my mark on the shiniest shoes. Catch you there!
22 Apr, 2005
Brenda Norse – She’s A Horse
Posted by clockworktimeseditor under CommentLeave a Comment
WHAT the hell does this Government thinks it’s playing at?! One minute they’re one hundred and ten per cent opposed to university top-up fees, the next, they can’t wait to start the cash tills buzzing like a half-price day in Pound Stretcher. The whole thing reminds me of a donkey I used to know when I was growing up outside Ottery St. Mary. (And we all know what donkeys are like. Particularly ones from the West Country). Anyway, one minute this fatuous ass was turning his ridiculous nose up at a plate of Farmer Benjamin’s best tinned lobster in scallop and codswallop sauce, the next he couldn’t wait to gobble down as much of the glutinous crap as he could! Contrary old buzzard.
Ironically, Farmer Benjamin had actually put seven ounces of strychnine in it that time, and off went Donald to the knacker’s yard. There’s a moral there somewhere if I could just…nah, s*d it.
SO – are the Tories finally back on track? After years of shifting uncomfortably on their well-paid derrières, it seems as though they’ve finally discovered a common tool with which to bash Blair and his wearisome posse into quivering submission – Top Trumps!
Yes, every PM’s Q’s since Michael Howard took over as the Tories’ jolly bus driver, the Opposition benches have seen more quick-handed shuffling than Clapham Common on a moonless night. Insiders are confident that the card games (which include Marvel Super Heroes, American Ex-Presidents and the NHS) will help the newly resurgent Tories to formulate a winning strategy to snatch election victory from the jaws of Labour. Said Tory MP, Kipper Catbrush (Pillowdale West, and current Super-Tankers champion), ‘We’re getting ready to give those Labour swine a damn good thrashing. They can pick any category, and we’ll beat them. Education, Social Services, Work and Pensions, Transport, Fast Bikes, Fantasy Creatures, Tennis Stars of the 1850s… the list goes on and on. I mean, basically we’re in an unassailable position. Unless of course Tony Blair chooses Motor Caravans or Belgian Hairstyles 1675 – 1809. We’ve been to every WHSmith in Westminster and can’t find them. I bet those bloody Liberals have bought the last two packs.
Rotters’.
SHAME! No, not another politician caught playing Swing Ball in the nude (if it hadn’t been for that speed camera, we’d never have known, Peter), but the latest single from those troublesome Back Bench Boys! Yes, cross-party heartthrobs Jim, Fats, Digger and Mr. P are back with the follow up single to last October’s record-breaking George Michael cover, Wake Me Up Before You Put Me In A Foundation Hospital. The new single is predicted by experts to go straight in at number one, so don’t forget to check out TOTP, BBC One on Friday evening to catch the first ever performance of Tuition My Aaase!!!
Looks like it’ll go down a storm – it’s a pity Robin Cook’s solo career hasn’t taken off in the same way, but I guess the country isn’t quite ready for Jingles the Happy Gnome just yet.
Wally.
That’s all the rats chased out of the milkmaid’s knickers for this week – see ya soon for a load more silage slopping! Or if you can’t keep away for more than a minute, I’ll be at the Conservative Party Gymkhana on Parliament Square, Saturday afternoon – I’ll be the one leaving my mark on the shiniest shoes. Catch you there!
Bren.