Dating Times is brought to you exclusively by The Clockwork Times. Our picks from this edition are:
Davinia
Hi ya sexy bod!!!!!!!
God, where do I staaaaaaart?!!!!!
My name’s Shirley, I’m 43 and live in Coventry, yaaaaaay!!!!!! No, Coventry’s not that bad, NOT!!!!!!! I work in IT, but would really like to get into publishing, as I love reading books, especially erotic books!!!!!!!!! Oh God, I can’t believe I said that, you’ll think I’m such a perve!!!!!!!!!! I’ve got quite a mad personality, as most of my friends will tell you. I love to laugh, especially in Church when the vicar’s old and can’t remember his lines. I also love going out with my mates round Coventry – our favourites club is ‘Bender’s’!!!!! Last month it was my friend’s hen night; we got really drunk, and I was arrested for snogging a cardboard model of the new town hall!!!!!! Ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!
I often vom.
Mail me if you think we’ll click! (IT joke, ha ha ha ha!!!!!)
Ref 2309756
Alan
Just calling to say i love you!
Hello to all you lovely ladies out there!
The name’s Alan, and I’m seventy-two years old. Don’t let that put you
off! I once went for four minutes. I’m retired, as you might expect, and in my spare time do a lot of gardening. I have two dogs, Jasper and Mr. Balderdash, and enjoy nothing more than walking with them through my house. I also enjoy drinking a spot of tea in the morning, before my daily toilet trip.
I sleep quite a lot, and can be pretty offensive.
Give me a call!
Alan.
Ref 2309668
Frank
Ahoy there!
Hi, I’m Frank. I’m forty-seven years old, and come from Plymouth. My hobbies include sailing and discovering things – last week I discovered seven pounds down the back of the sofa. I bought a new tie.
I guess I’m looking for an adventurous wench who likes to toss up and down on the ocean blue. (You’ve got to watch what you say around me! I’ll find the double meaning in anything!) I’ve got a long rapier. (Wahey!)
Hmm, I tend to go for ginger virgins, but being a sailor I’m happy to visit any port (Boom boom!) Sorry, you’ll have to take me as you find me; I’m quite a catch (nautical reference again), and love it when someone handles my potatoes. (By which I actually do mean potatoes – I discovered them too).
God I’m handsome.
Throw me a line, and I’ll drop my anchor!
(But not my trousers; I don’t go that far on a first date – unless you really shiver my timbers!)
Not quite sure what I meant there.
Wahey!
Ref 11 88 88
A selection of other clients on our books:
Female, 26, looking for man to play tiddlywinks with. Or to play with my tiddlywinks.
Ref 2309854
Male, 18, seeks girl with house overlooking nudist colony
Ref 23094332
Person, not too old, looking for another person to find out who I am. Call me Dave or Sarah, you decide.
Ref 2309386
Female, 23, I believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart, There’s a chance we can make it now, We’ll be lookin’ till the sun goes down, I believe in a thing called love, Ooooooh.
Ref 2309214
Female, 32, looking for a man to go fishing with her. You know, fishing… fishing… get it?
Ref 2309167
Male, 28, You be my lamppost and I’ll be your pavement. See how romantic I am?
Ref 2309635
Male, 25, Now I go cleanin’ windows to earn an honest bob, For a nosy parker it’s an interestin’ job
Ref 2309635
Female, 26, Can you watch my bag while I try this trouser suit on? Cheers darlin’
Ref 2309648
